Made To Crave

I felt the need today to share the adventure I have had as I have walked through reading "Made To Crave" by Lysa Turkherst.
I picked this book up from Lifeway a couple of months ago in a state of utter feelings of failure with my weight. We had just moved ( yet again) and I was struggling feeling completely out of control of my eating! So I decided to take a new diet approach, a christian book. Surely this would solve the problem. I purchased the book and then proceeded to go on with life as usual.
Finally one night I pulled it out of the bag it had been sitting in for probably a month and started reading. I was a little disappointed at first...I want a simple solution, quick and to the point. I know it took me years to get to this weight, but surely there was a quick way to get it off!
Each time I would pick it up and begin reading my heart would be stirred. Was this really the problem ....was it a heart problem and not a food problem! UKKK I really dislike heart problems...they are so painful for God to fix.
I began to consciously walk in the steps that she lays out in this book. Each time I was faced with a temptation I would place the word of God in my heart...I would actively live out the Word. I would find myself calling out in prayer all throughout the day over these temptations and each time in my weakness He showed Himself strong! I began to realize how weak I really was! How much I was living in excuses and how powerful His word can be.
Just like Lysa...I always felt frustrated that I seemed to deal with this weight issue and others did not ( my husband especially UGH!) but through this process He has revealed to me that I need this weakness, because without it I place my trust in food to fill me up! I crave the peace ( all be it short lived) food gives me! He wants me to trust in Him to fill me up. He wants me to crave the Peace only He can give. I have found a sense of contentment with my weight. I am realizing more each day that my worth is not found in the weight on the scale...or the size of my jeans. But in my heavenly Creator! Who did not make a mistake when He made me this way! For He knit me together and He knows my innermost thoughts! He loves me despite my sin and selfishness toward food! I have begun to focus on Craving after Him everyday and living in The Victory I have in Him!
Sidenote: to date I have lost 22 lbs! I have not had a soda in over a month.....My God is Good!

FACING YOUR GIANTS!!!!

Each day after we have home schooled and have finished lunch....I put Madi down for her nap and then let the 2 older kids have a quiet time movie. Usually it some silly cartoon they have picked out and it gives them the opportunity to just unwind for a little while, but today I decided it would be fun to all watch Facing The Giants together! If you have not seen it I highly suggest it! Love this movie and powerful underlying theme.....WHAT IS IMPOSSIBLE WHEN GOD IS IN IT????? NOTHING!!
How many times a day do I need to be reminded of that message. As we are beginning to reach the end of our journey here at seminary I find myself hearing all that everyone is saying about how difficult it is to find a ministry out there. It's not how much you know but who you know. I start doubting this journey, maybe we should have stayed put...maybe we can go back home....maybe we can stay here.
Satan seizes that little crack of fear that tiny sliver of doubt ( or gaping hole sometimes on my part) and he runs with it. I mean he isn't called the prince of lies for no reason! He preys on these chinks in my already weakened armor. It is not by chance that he camps out here, he is the ultimate deceiver. He has a brutal and vicious attack planned, it all comes down to my faithfulness in my relationship with the One and only who can defeat him!!
This movies awakens in me everytime I watch it how powerful my God is!! It helps that I love football too. As I watch little David and those Eagles line up against those 85 giants it brings it home over and over again! They shouldn't win, they can't win, there is no way the could win....but wait! David stands there ready to kick the longest field goal he has ever attempted and he simply says "God help me make this field goal" The wind stops and then begins to blow the opposite way and he kicks with all his might and it goes in and they have done it!!!! The Lord has shown himself mighty in this teams lives!! They have honored him in their actions they have worn His word out onto the field and into their lives and He has blessed them!!
AHHHH! I love it...of course I am always a sucker for a happy ending!
I know that with God on my side nothing is impossible. He has showed himself strong over and over in my life and I know He is not about to stop now! I know that as we continue to faithfully serve Him, He will open the Doors that need to be open and guide us with each step we take. I am so very thankful that He is the ultimate source of strength and wisdom and He sees fit to bless us with it.

2 Corinthians 5:1-2

So as I am sitting across the kitchen table from my husband this morning doing my quiet time, when we got to talking ( after I was done reading :) ) He was sharing that in his church planting class they were memorizing all of 2 Corinthians 5. They were focusing on 2 verses each week. He invited me to memorize it as well, so he read it aloud out of his translation and then asked me to read out of mine. As I was reading something in me just broke...and I couldn't even finish. It says,
"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling."
It goes on to talk about our mortal bodies being swallowed up by life! That as long as we are at home in this body we are away from the Lord.
As I sat there trying to pull myself together watching my precious husband at a complete loss for word..just smiling knowing that the Lord was working on my heart over some stronghold...I realized that I have BECOME this destroyed earthly tent...I have let it be my crutch...my idenity....my security...but there will come a day when it is gone...it is swallowed up by life and I will have a heavenly body..one that is glorified! I was sharing with Dwight that this passage hits home so hard for me when I think about all that my body has been through in the 35 almost 36 years of my life( not anything compared to some) but enough. I had always felt like the one who was failing my body!!! In that moment it hit me this body will ALWAYS fail me!!! I am a sinner and this body was born into a sinful and desolate world, conceived by two sinful humans! It was not created perfect and it is going to fail me, but my Savior; my Redeemer; my Creator; He will never fail me..and whenI get to heaven and have a glorified body, this pacemaker will not be a part of it, this womb that struggles with keeping little ones alive will be no more, and this body that aches and groans will groan no more! For I will not only walk the streets of gold I plan to RUN them!!!!!!! I plan to worship my Lord with never ending energy!! Praise the Lord for our Hope is in HIM!!!!!!
Father,
May I not be at home here in this body, but may I desire after my heavenly dwelling, and may I always desire for others to know the TRUTH of heaven! May I not let my failures of this world define me, but may I rest in You. Knowing that these things are only temporal and my heart should be set on things eternal. Thank you for softening my heart to your word..let me never grow apathetic to its power to change me and grow me! May I always know its power to light the way and to bring godly wisdom!

Day 5: Monday Manday!!!!

So I think it is kind of comical that my blog entries keep getting later and later. I think it is all a mental block...but the Lord is helping me break through it.
Mondays tend to be my shopping day for groceries and I have been trying hard to get my list all organized and coupons pulled before I step foot out the door. I did pretty good today I did not even break $100 and I have:
6 2.5ils of chicken
6 Boxes of frozen veggies
4 toothbrushes
6 bags of Easter candy
1 Easter grass
1 Easter Dye kit
4 color wonder on the go kits
2 big bags of grapes
4 bottles of dressing
3 bottles of All
2 Packs of gum
2 hellmanns mayonaise
2 Body washes
2 dozen eggs
3 bags of shredded cheese
7 bags of fish fillets/sticks Manager special at Kroger
4 boxes of cereal
2 pkgs sister schuberts rolls
2 bottles of excedrin
4 bottles of shampoo/conditioner
2 bags of doritos
2 cans of tropical fruit
2 bottles of Vanilla extract
and I earned a $5 reward gift card at Kroger!!!
( I am sure I forgot something!!)
I am so glad I get to bless my family this way. SO much fun to seeing all your savings I saved over $150 today!!! Yeah me!

My prayer today....Lord thank you for the financial blessings of food and shelter and clothes...help me to always be a good steward of what you have blessed me with. Help me to teach my children ways that they can help their families to financially save even on groceries! I love you Lord and thank you for your provision.

Day 4: Whew cutting it close tonight!!!

Just got back from the movies with the kids and while I was driving there we were detoured because of Tornado damage. Unfortunately the neighborhood we were detoured into had extensive damage, one house was completely GONE. The only thing left was a lone toilet standing in the middle of the concrete foundation. It was heart wrenching to see. But an opportunity to let my children pray for some one they did not know...but God knows. Tonight as we readied for bed and said our prayers we talked about picking one thing to be thankful for in her prayer tonight... and o you know she said the weather, all the weather, not just the good, but all of it.

My Prayer today....Lord allow me to be thankful in ALL situations...knowing that you alone have a perfect plan! I love you Lord!

Day 3: So far so good!!!

So I am going to share something a little more lighthearted today. So last Sunday we are headed home from church and I always try to talk to the kids about what they are learning. This month they are focusing on humility.
So I asked them what was going on during theater which is when all of the grade school kids are in the gym for praise and worship and usually a skit of some kind.....so Connor pipes up and say well it was Peter and Jesus and some other guys at a big table.....to which I replied, knowing he was talking about the last Supper with the passover meal, what were they doing at the table Buddy......He smiled proudly and stated "They were eating a LEFTOVER meal!"
Too Funny I laughed and gently corrected him that it was the PASSOVER meal...but how precious!

My prayer today...Lord let my heart always be light and joyful, ever open for the little joys you send my way. Let me always be able to laugh easily and enjoy this precious life and children that I have!!! I love you Lord and you have greatly blessed me!

DAY 2: Blogging for 30 days straight...can I do it!!!!

Did you know that it takes 30 days to create a habit...but for a mom it takes more!!!! Big shocker....I am convinced that I am exempt from this and my brain just does not create habits!!!
So I have to share that after my post yesterday.. I got up this morning to get in the Word and pray with my husband, and after reading Colossians 2, we read an evangelical commentary, just to reach a clearer understanding and to delve deeper into God's word. God is so good and this was in my commentary which is one directed for women and written by two women.

Heart to Heart: Avoiding the Bondage of Legalism

In your attempts to be the "perfect" woman, whether as a wife, mother, church member,or employee, often you impose upon yourself a personal list of "regulations" and "human commands". Failing to achieve these super-human standards can become a source of much anxiety and grief. Although it is not easy, you as believers need to free yourselves from these bonds of legalism for, as Colossians 2:23 says, they are not of any value. If God's grace has given you eternal life, then why do you attempt to live that life by your rules? Having been saved by grace you must live by grace. Instead of looking to your own fabricated standards of "perfection" which no one on earth could attain, you must look to Christ. He has fulfilled all of God's laws on your behalf so that you do not have to meet the standards of the law and He lives eternally to empower you day by day with his grace and mercy.

Whew...boy did I need to hear that. He is so faithful to fill our needs. This I think is probably my biggest struggle. Living in my own self subjected world of "perfection" measuring myself against others instead of against the Word of God. Making sure to seek His mercy and know that I am enough only when I am in Him who is ALL!

Lord My Prayer Today: That you Lord would reassure me constantly, that I live in your grace and mercy. That I am enough in you!!! That when I try to hold my self up to my "LAW" I am taking away the POWER of your death on the cross for me! I Love you Lord, you are my God.